I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
