Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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