I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
thus making me awesome and them whores
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
