I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
