im drinking this country out of the recession.
Non-Jews are for practice
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
