you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
