I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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