if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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