ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just want nice things and good sex
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
