i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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