If i come over, it means nothing
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize