just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
