His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
