He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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