So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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