I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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