You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
