She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
