she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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