its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
