I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry about my life...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
