no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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