Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You are a genius and a whore.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
