she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
