No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
