Non-Jews are for practice
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
