whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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