Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
