After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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