I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize