You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
