He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
