I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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