rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
either way he was missing a nipple.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
