two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
