Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
