Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
