Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
