I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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