I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
