If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
