I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
