hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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