shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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