Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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