please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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