do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize