She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
