its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
