nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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