Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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