4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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