Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
