last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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