He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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