One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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