On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
