I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
