She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
