Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
