I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
