Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
