I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
