the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
