i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So vagazzling was a success
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
