The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
