You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
