I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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