holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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