I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
