i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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