I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
