STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
