I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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