Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can you bring me the toilet please
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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