whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
