Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
