just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
