the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You took a bar mat shot.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
