Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
