This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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