so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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