it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
