someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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