just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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