So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
