She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
