When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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