I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
