when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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