absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
