She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
