So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
