On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
