and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
