My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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