so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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