I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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