we have officially lost it.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
