Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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