the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
