I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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