Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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